Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
