She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
