If that was your dad, he is hot
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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