Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
