Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
