he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
