If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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