in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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