either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
