I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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