you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
