I'm so fucking centered right now
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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