No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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