can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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