Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
