Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
