I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
