Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
