So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
