I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
