Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
