Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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