I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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