I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
