Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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