I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
