I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
