I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
