you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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