ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
