Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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