You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
