$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
