there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
