I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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