...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
