Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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