i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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