Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
