Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
