If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
someone owes me an orgasm
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
