...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
