im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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