I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
