I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
