no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
