You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
