Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
