so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
