Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
